July – HOT in Here

When things get HOT, sometimes we LIKE IT, and sometimes it really hurts!

Reflect on how differently you react and how you communicate about these oppositionally intense experiences.

Take particular notice of how quickly your emotions can shift between light and pain, like the flickering flame.

-Practice reflecting on what you think, feel, experience.
-Practice trying to sort through your perspective.
-Practice giving all that words.
-Practice working through pain and elation.
-Practice revisiting your personal values and how you live them.
-Practice before you have to perform when it really matters.

Focus on the process not the results

Use this month’s prompts to practice any or all of the ways we communicate: visual, verbal or written.

·Doodle. Draw. Paint. Make a collage. Take pictures.

·Make a digital presentation with one slide per day.

·Make a video. Record a voice memo.

·Stand in front of the mirror and talk to yourself.

·Write in your journal. Write a blog post.

·Write a letter. Use new words.

·Type it. Voice dictate it.

PASSION

The aspects of our life that ignite amazing fire and fuel that nothing else does to the same degree

falling in love

oh boy this can be a huge source of energy!

and it can be completely overwhelming.

a solo activity where you lose track of time

that one thing you do that is actually a kind of meditation. for me it’s weeding the garden, or my lawn. yeah, I’m one of those. 

some friends have said it’s doing dishes or laundry. yeah, not me either.

creativity

cooking and sewing. or actually web design or other graphic design.

mastery

the activity that you study when you can’t be doing it.

get healthy again, able bodied, independent

when this is important to you, it can be easy to get so engrossed that time flies.  and yes, each second can be painful, like doing plank.

persistence

never.give.up. one step forward each day. keep moving forward.

control, accuracy, discipline

this is a tricky one. this refers to something you deeply value and just can’t be lackadaisical about. it doesn’t mean an uncontrollable behavior patterns.

CONFLICT

the most heated challenges bring out the hottest reactions or the inability to stand in the heat

falling out of love

this is rarely an easeful process.

unexpressed tension

when or how do you address this. straight on. humor. concession. ignore. one day it might explode.

deadlines without details

working on a project without the critical information can be frustrating and often results in repeated efforts for a single task.

co-parenting, co-leading

this one. f*dge. co-parenting means the parents are no longer under the same roof. in most cases, the courts are involved to force agreements. and then there is an expectation of following all the established rules. this is truly comical because chances are these kinds of agreements couldn’t be kept when the parents were together. and now there are reasons why they are apart.

co-leading can also be equally difficult. different goals and incentives can result on a form of tug o’war

credibility

credibility depends on having successfully completing your homework and then transferring it to your actions or expertise. and truthfulness. but what happens when someone has the credentials but their actions and lack of honesty are problematic.

prosperity, money

prosperous sound glamorous.

money sounds like evil.

but really what is the difference? why does it stir such strong behavior patterns.

security

if your definition of security is threatened, what do you do?

have you ever threatened someone else’s security?

VALUES

the list of guiding principles we have determine how we live our lives is typically short, but rarely change

non-negotiables

this is often a list used for dating or parenting. but it’s appliable for all aspects of life. what are yours? how do they differ depending on the situation or relationships?

religion

HOT button. something outide of what you grew up with can be very uncomfortable. or intimidating if it’s not practiced in the language you speak.

politics

HOOOOOTTTTT button #2

no i’m not tryin to be a jerk.

but what if…. someone asked you to believe and support what you are adamantly against?

are you doing that?

so explore this from YOUR values and not party scripted platforms.

education

another HOT button.

again, consider this from what your values are.

you may be surprised that you may share similar views with others who you considered unlike you.

family

genetic. chosen. forced. inherited.

usually snarly emotional nests.

and often our foundation.

ambition

this can be similar to money.  so many perspectives of where this is positively accepted and negatively judged.  what are your thoughts? do those apply to you? or are you thinking about someone else? are you living your values?

trust

this is so generic. first try to define what trust means to you. think of situations where your trust in somone else was lost. think of a situation where you lost someone’s trust. were there any similarities? how does this impact your opinions about trust? do you still define trust in the same way or would you modify your definition? are you living your definition?

DREAMS

they can seem impossible or idealistic, but they are powerful whether they come true or not

motivation

what is the fuel of your fire? a celebration, a gift, a dinner out, expensive items, jewelry

vision

what is the vision of your life? have you ever thought of what you want? to what degree? do you plan it to reality? have you achieved it? has it been elusive?

utopia

perfection, ideal, ultimate

does it drive you or exhaust you?

equity, unity

this is a current desire driving social justice movements. all people deserve dignity. all people deserve safety. all people deserve opportunities.

i personally struggle with how much I can put into this before it becomes so heavy. and part of that is emotional weight of the cruel fact that history repeats itself.

restraint

sometimes making dreams come true means NOT doing something.

for many people it is not action on addiction behaviors. and that can be a very tall order and requries help from someone else of not a team of people.

another aspect is the learned or reactionary behaviors that are no longer helpful.

fun, happiness, joy

there can be a lot of social pressure to be happy. and happy is defined on a grand scale.

how can you be happy, have fun, or experience joy on a daiy basis? are you practicing this?

if you are not, do you have any ideas of how to develop this ability and weave it into your daily cloth?

charity, altruism

giving to others. someone always is worse off than you. so many places asking for money, support, time, megaphone for their message…

but how much can you really give? does it cause you harm to give that much? can you really give as much as you want to?

beling selective without being self critical is very important.

EMBERS

even embers can ignite a forest fire

unrealized dreams

how long have you wanted that? how many times have you tried? have you given up or put it on hold? are you making small forward steps when and how you can? have you redefined or refined your dreams? do they haunt you? do they still excite you?

lingering pain

quiet, shut your mouth, bite the bullet, kill ’em with kindness, just walk away, don’t stoop to their level

does it serve you? does it empower someone else?

is it the sliver or cactus spine you can’t quite find but is still super tender?

so, now what? how will you process it so that tiny or lingering ember doesn’t burn down the house?

the last straw

how many times can you ask for what you need, set limits, tell someone that is not acceptable until you lose your sh!t?

is that the outcome or unintended consequence that you want? if not, what other processing can you do for YOU so you are more likely to experience more of what you value and need?

ps this may take a long time, be patient with yourself and the process. vent where it’s safe.