Focus on the process not the results.

Use this month’s prompts to practice any or all of the ways we communicate: visual, verbal or written.

·Doodle. Draw. Paint. Make a collage. Take pictures.

·Make a digital presentation with one slide per day.

·Make a video. Record a voice memo.

·Stand in front of the mirror and talk to yourself.

·Write in your journal. Write a blog post.

·Write a letter. Use new words.

·Type it. Voice dictate it.

CONFLICT

When we are faced with CONFLICT, many times we want to jump in and fix it, make it go away, run away from it.

What if, instead, we did ONE thing:

PAUSE

What are your 3 most sensitive buttons?

Think of this in terms of you react strongly first, your eyes tear, your heart races, your face turns red, it’s a non-negotiable, you are impatient. A relatable one is ‘stupid drivers’, anything that jeopardizes your core sense of security, the thought of your most loved person dying. 

If you were to pause before doing anything, what would you do? What emotions would you feel and would you try to suppress them or actually feel them?

Do you understand the emotions, where they came from, why they are so strong?

After a pause, what could you do differently? Is there something you have been meaning to do differently but haven’t taken action?

What past experience clouds all current experiences?

You know that one that you still feel the pain from. The one that casts shade over non-related experiences. The one that you still filter life through.  The one everyone tells you to just get over and move on. But you don’t feel like you’re holding it tight in your grip.

If you paused long enough to determine if that was still happening, how would that change your experiences today?  This is a doozy. Not easily resolved in a single journal entry.  Start pecking away at it today.

Defend yourself.
Jump in the mosh pit.
Go down swinging.

If your automated reaction is defensive, please try to catch yourself when you are. This may be a packed down experience of many layers.  Journal about what experiences elicit this kind of reaction. Keep a list. What’s the common theme?  What does it remind you of?  Then pause. Then…. put on a different pair of glasses, listen with new ears… maybe it’s not all the same.

Someone’s sharp tongue cuts you to the bone.

Some people are ‘brutally honest’. But this is can be brutally hurtful. These scars don’t really heal.

What are you going to do next time? What do you want to say back? Put that in your journal. All of it!  Don’t hold back! 

Then try to figure out what message you really want to send that is true to you and your values and the person you want to be. Then when you’re ready, send it. If you’re not able or ready to send it, put it in your journal. Get it out of your head. Release it from you. Give that wound a chance to start healing.

Values you grew up with vs
Values you grew into

ohhhhh. this one.

Breaking away from what we were taught can be so difficult. But sometimes it’s the right thing to do.

Use your journal so list the things. Make two columns: grew up with and grew into. What goes in each column. Decide if any require action and then what kind of action.

And take your vitamins, you’ll need them because this is a journey.

You know they are lying. Everyone knows
they are lying!

This is beyond frustrating!!! And equally challenging to deal with.  Use your journal to vent.  Dump ALL emotions there.  Then take time to decide what is the best course of action. Use your journaling to uncover this and point the way that feels sincere to you. 

Someone is having a full-blown meltdown.
Help them.

OH! How can you help them? It might fell overwhelming. Or scary.

1. Take a deep breath for yourself.

2. Make kind eye contact.

3. Ask if they need help and what would be helpful.

4. They might not be able to answer. Suggest ideas.

5. When they know what might help, try to do that.

PS THIS IS SCARY! Maybe start figuring out this skill by journaling about a time YOU had the meltdown. What did you need at that time? Could you verbalize it? Can you ask for help in general?  Figure out ideas for yourself. It will help you to help another.

SMELL THE ROSES

Life goes by so fast. Don’t miss it because you’re always in a hurry. Don’t forget to SMELL THE ROSES!

Slow down, do ONE thing:

PAUSE

Watch the clouds float across the deep blue sky, a sunrise or sunset, or a downpour during the day.

I love nature. I need to get away from the buildings, concrete, steel, and confinement. 

Take pictures of all the beautiful things you see in the day.

This one task will change what you look for everyday, if you want it to. Take pics and make a list everyday. See how it changes over time.

Take pictures of all the people you love.

It might surprise you who you want to take pictures of. In your journal, write their name and why you love them.  And then…. be sure to tell them.

Eat a meal very slowly even though
you’re alone.

I tend to eat at the counter or in front of the computer when I’m eating alone. But sometimes, I eat at the table, like I was sitting with others. I generally pay more attention to my experience and reflect on life more too.  It’s a Sunday dinner party for one.  Write about it. Bon Appetit!

Go see local live music even though you
‘don’t have the time.’

I usually end up on the dance floor, or creating one, when I do this.  The music will permeate your soul. It needs this. You need to be around others feeling the same way.  Give yourself this medicine. Then journal about it!  All the deets!

Watch the scenery from the car in silence.

I find the radio or other noises irritating when I’m in the car at times. I also get terribly bored.  It’s a wicked dichotomy. So sometimes, I force myself to just look around. I see things that intrigue me, entice me, bring me sadness, and somethings just reinforce my life choices.  Journal about this experience and see what you see from it.

Go to a botanical garden.

So much beauty!!! And so much work you don’t have to do! ha! Go enjoy it and bring your journal. Record the experience while you’re there! 

CONFUSING

What just happened?
Why is this happening to me?
It can be CONFUSING when unexpected things happen.

Holy crap, I can only do ONE thing:

PAUSE

Someone else’s big problem just fell
in your lap.

Why did this happen? I don’t want this problem! I hate this!

What if you can help? a lot? or just a little? What would you pray someone else would do if it were your problem that fell in their lap? Explore that.

Then reflect on your past. Did any of your problems fall in someone else’s lap? (Yes, yes they did.) How did they help you? How did they handle it? Would you do it the same or different?

Explore both scenarios in your journal. When it happens next, you’ll be better prepared.

You made a mistake that’s gonna hurt.

Sh!t! I can’t believe I did this! Make it go away! 

Well, none of that is going to help. What will?  What will be the hardest part? The easiest?

If it’s been awhile since you’ve made this kind of mistake, think about a past one or someone else’s mistake.  What helped then? What was the most difficult part? Ya, explore all that sh!t.

You picked up someone else’s dry cleaning.

The problem is, it was months ago, and you took it out of the bag…. What do you do now??? You don’t have what you were planning to wear. And the other person is also missing their garments. Ummmmm……

You realize that the information you’re getting has gone through the ‘telephone game.’

This is usually discovered when we work backwards, or peel back the layers of conversations, like an onion. So much room for confusion, misinformation, and steps we wouldn’t have taken if we had known. Ugh!

Peel back the layers of a past experience. Who said what? Who interpreted it as what? Then, how did they retell the information? Oh.my.goodness. Paleeeeeaaazzze!  But the reality is, it is their reality! Yup. and yup that stings.

That’s the issue of the telephone game phenomena. It’s not reading a script. It what they heard through their lenses….

So, it will happen again. What will you do? Now is your chance to practice before the stakes are high.

PS This assumes there is no malicious, deliberate behaviors. That’s a different journal experience.

You’re in the middle of gossip about
or shaming of others.

STOP! Step away. PAUSE!

You can participate if you want. But really will it serve you? Why did you feel the need to jump in too?  I mean sometimes it feels awesome to slay someone in words of frustration or envy or anger. But… you’re the one that bleeds.

What would you hope other people would do if there was snarky gossip about YOU?

So, look at your own actions and choices.  Do it differently. What would compassion, understanding and PAUSE look like here?

This isn’t what I signed up for!

I had a plan. I agreed to this. THIS is NOT happening! What is happening is a sh!t storm!

I hope you bought those knee-high rubber boots, because it will storm again. Nature is like that. It has repeatable patterns.

I know, that wasn’t soothing. So what can you do? 

Read the above entries. You get the idea.

You sent a confidential email to the wrong person.

uh oh….

You gotta fix it. But first yell, cry, scream, punch the couch (the wall is really hard, harder than your knuckles). 

Figure out the risks and potential damage. Mitigate that asap. Ask for accountability, in writing.

Then figure out how to fix it. And pour your emotions into your journal.

And double check, triple check, that your mitigation plan was helpful.

SWEETNESS

Life isn’t all sh!tty, sh!t, sh!t.
Some days are full of SWEETNESS. Be ready to receive!

So just do ONE thing:

PAUSE

You receive an unexpected gift.

Say thank you. Nothing more. Just thank you. and mean it.

Then, in your journal…. dump the emotions that make it hard to ‘just’ say thank you.

Eat dessert as your meal.

Brownie and ice cream. Blueberry crepes with whipped cream. A great big donut!

In your journal, what made that sweet? why? for how long? was it sweet later? why/why not?  Explore all the things.

You buy ALL the birthday cards you liked
for ONE person.

Someone near and dear to me LOVES shopping for greeting cards. This person is known for giving 2: one loving and one humorous.  And recently, THREE were given because all three were meaningful.  I found this so adorable and fun to watch the recipient open and read them all.

Why don’t we express all the goodness freely (besides the price tag)? What would you do if someone did this for you? How would you feel?

Write a ‘I’m thinking of you’ message to people you don’t get to see often.

With social media, holidays become a barrage of the same message. All posts are important and meaningful. But I will admit, I have started to avoid engaging.  Recently, I decided to send personal messages and texts to the really important people in my life. All I wrote was: I am thinking of you today and I hope you have a really good day.

It was sincere, and simple. And it opens the door for a different kind of conversation.

Who do you wish would send you that message? Why? How would it impact  your relationship with that person?

Who do you have the most patience for?

We all have a soft spot in our hearts for that 1 or 2 people. But why? What is it about that person or our connection?  Who is that for you? Journal about it.  What did you learn about yourself, your values, your pain, your joy? And what does that have to do with tomorrow and how you will live tomorrow?

Watch your lover get ready for the day.

There is a unique sweetness to this. It is intimate. It is deeply personal.

But it is also universal.

What do you learn about your lover? What makes you appreciate them more? What melts your heart a little more? What do you never want to forget?

A child has its ‘first’: step, word, lost tooth, homerun, goal, recital…

Simple joy. A child renews our faith in love and bliss and laughter. 

Use some journal real estate to explore what you like about this, how it impacts you, and what that means to your life on a bigger scale.

TWO MORE

Just in case you haven’t had enough practice, here are TWO MORE scenarios.

Don’t forget this month’s lesson:

PAUSE

Pick Your Battles

I used to look at this with the perspective of WHAT DO I WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT?

But more recently, I’ve taken this approach: WHAT IS WORTH MY TIME, ENERGY AND RESOURCES TO WORK THAT HARD FOR?

Hustle and Bustle.

Run around like a chicken with your head cut off.

Busy is over rated. It’s multitasking in time and resources and physical space. Is that really what you want to be doing?